I think what we mean when we say we want to be special is we want something ordinary, we want to be appricated, wanted, cared about and loved. But if we didn't get enought of that 'ordinariness' growing up, it feels as if its something special we are looking for, something someone can only have enought of to give to one person because all we expereinced growing up was limited if at all. It scares me to think of sharing someones good thoughts towards me with sanother, because my expereince was myself and my sibling were split into good and bad, he was good and I was bad so I thought this is how live goes. Trusting that healthy people can feel positive about more than one person is still a struggle for me. My early template hasn't been corrected yet.