Melissa, your recovery is really inspiring! I'm proud of you for taking charge and turning things around. It's an enormous accomplishment, even if it doesn't feel like it at times.

My guess on the memory issues are 1) the prior explanation of it being traumatic, and 2) as RB said, a lot of treatments (esp. ECT) and meds will lead to some memory loss. Your brain was being jerked around a lot, so it probably shouldn't be too surprising that there is some residual brain fuzz. Oh and 3) what someone else said about BP screwing with memory and cognitive function - yes, yes, yes.

Warning: potential trigger below...

I had a conversation with my brother over Thanksgiving where he reminded me that I had promised to take my mom's and (other) brother's ashes and spread them in the mountains. I can't remember that at all, and it's exactly the kind of thing I should remember! I felt really bad about it when he said something to the effect of the rest of our family gathering dust in his basement - though he was just being frank and not at all mean or anything. And then I forgot to take them, so it'll be another year (probably) before I can hold up my end of the deal.

But it was really weird to talk with my brother and have him bring up several things that I had said or done that I couldn't remember. I know my memory is spotty in places but I guess I didn't realize it was that bad. My 4 years of undergrad, which involved a lot of mania and probably mixed states, is a blur that I can barely remember except for tiny snippets (and I wasn't even intoxicated all that much for the first couple of years!) It was definitely traumatic as it was when the BP surfaced, so maybe that's why - except that I can't recall all that much of the years that followed either.