Glad you can find some peace in the garden - I too have found that I can't think deeply about things and move around at the same time - that is something that T has taught me - he asks me questions while getting me to do something else at the same time and it is really hard to do two things at once.

The next bit of your post made me smile - that is so how any e-mail from me to T would sound right now - love / hate, want / don't want, want to feel close / feel distant. I might even quote that last bit to T - "go away I need you" - that is so spot on. But maybe that would be an interesting e-mail to send to your T - it really highlights that internal struggle that you are battling right now.

Yes maybe we do all know these things, but I also know I have all sorts of interesting books laying around my house - but I can never put my hand on them when I need them, yet absolutely know they are there somewhere - so maybe this is a case of brain misfiling, we know the stuff is there somewhere, but not in a form that we can easily use when we need it.

New Years Eve here tonight on my own too - if only I had the confidence to go on to chat would join you for a round of auld lang syne - last bit advice is that frozen pizza would probably taste better cooked .

Take care - Soup