Thanks so much for all the support and perspectives. I need to write back to you all individually, but I shouldn't take the time to do that right now because I'm at work. I didn't even feel like coming to work today. Petunia, your analogy with building a house and having the tools thrown at me really puts it in perspective.

T wrote back again this morning and says that I use and mistreat and destroy people. I never want to do any of that. I wish she could be more positive. But it's all my own fault because I don't respond to positive stuff. I throw it back on her face and say that I don't believe it. Or at least I did before. I don't want to do that either.

I ought to be able to find my own way and not need help, especially "using people." I should be able to apply what I know to myself.

Am I really that bad?

I found a kind of therapy that sounds good, and part of it actually sounds a lot like what she's done some of the time. http://www.dnmsinstitute.com/dnms-summary.html Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy Therapy. It deals with ego states and some EMDR stuff, and is supposed to be gentle. T isn't gentle. She told me we're back to 2x4 therapy now. That's apparently what it takes to get my attention.

Well, you guys are wonderful and I don't know what I would do without you. Please don't stop. I need this support right now.

Rap