This is a good place to get support and I too have had alot of the feelings you expressed and am on meds as well.

You said you have an appointment with your mental health provider not soon?

I understand how all this feels, and not trying to be mean, but I think if your out of medication and are having this great amount of distress especially the feeling Suicidal but never have attempted it. I in your situation would seek Emergency Help. If you can not get to your doctor who prescribes your anti depressant medications I suggest that you go to your nearest Emergency Room to see a Doctor.

I do hope you continue to post here, it is a very good place to express your feelings. welcome

KRIS

As I sit in front of this computer screen, I meet and learn and am helped by those I have never seen.

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!