Again, a sincere thank you to all who are reading and/or offering comments on this.

So, I was reading the Big Book last night...

Coming to realize that I am no more special than anyone else who is on this journey. Someone please slap me for being so self-centered and obnoxious!!!!

I went to Chapter 5 - How it Works. Read the steps and decided that maybe I should explore Steps 2 and 3. Maybe that is where I really need to start...

As I read, I got very turned off by the "god" stuff. Then, had an interesting conversation with my son (almost 2 months sober now). Realized my beliefs have been all over the board... raised Lutheran, but decided that many of them were hypocrites in church on Sunday because I saw them in the bar of the restaurant where I worked the night before. (Yes, I now realize I was totally wrong in judging them).

I converted to Judaism when my children were born, because I thought it best to raise them with one religious belief (my ex-husband's). Met my current hub who is agnostic (raised as a Catholic and calls himself a "recovering Catholic"). Gee, but he has been sober for 14 years now...

At this point, I know I have lost all sense of what I might believe in...

So, I backtracked a few pages in the Big Book. And the corner of the page is now bent so I can find it again. Here is what I read:
"Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time!"

Darn - that describes me perfectly!

And then I read further down the page.

"Who of us had not loved something or somebody? How much did these feelings, these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason?

Brain is whirring. More thinking. Perhaps answers will start coming tomorrow.