After going through lots of problems recently.. and due to these problems especially relationship breakup, feeling very depressed sometimes with suicidal thoughts.. i have realised that in the last week or 2 i have been a completely different person, very needy, clingy, boring only ever talking about myself and my problems. not being there for anyone else.. iv also been a bit paranoid.

i feel better now. i feel alot more positive, i want to make this a better year for myself and people around me. but im worried all my misery and neediness has driven people away.

eg: here i am sitting completely alone on new years eve.. for the first time ever. The only person who has wished me a happy new year is my ex.. who phoned me to tell me we shouldnt talk anymore because he loves me and its confusing him. i feel like iv lost the 1 person who cares...
also realised today i didnt recieve 1 xmas card this year...

when im feeling myself im happy, bubbly, and all i think about is everyone else... i never put myself first i always look out for all my friends and family