The last time I SI'd I got this great big ugly keyloid scar on my back left shoulder. The other night I thought it would be a good idea to SI in the same spot, rationalizing that if I was going to get another nasty scar it might as well be in the same place.. makes sense, right?

I ended up going to emerg because it looked really bad, and I had a minor freak out since it was already in a bad area. I actually didn't have a bad interaction with the staff there, and a nice nurse was kind enough to stay with me when the (male) doctor examined by wound and asked me questions.

One thing did bother me though.. and it goes to show how messed up my mind is, but he said something along the lines of "well you sure did a good job here, fortunately its just a superficial wound so you won't need stitches or anything" ... what did I hear? "not good enough"

I've been depressed before, but never like this. the last two days i've just layed in my bed... couldn't even watch anything on my computer because it would have taken too much mental energy. I made the mistake of telling my boss some of this (who is a child psychologist) and now I'm afraid she's going to think of me as totally messed up and inept.

Happy New Years...