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I'm so sorry you experienced this weepow. I understand how confusing it can be and how much the desire to know what really happened could be. But what would knowing do? Would it make things better for you or make things worse? Some things we don't need the full details of. You know the abuse, you know the man had you eat unclean meat that you don't know what it was, would knowing if it was a human make anything better? Would it bridge any gaps or fill any holes? Would it get justice served to the one who deserves it or would it just bring your world down?
With DID and recovering memories, I don't think knowing every detail is that imortant if you didn't know it to begin with. As long as you recover the memories that caused you the pain now, and tell yourself that unless you know it's human meat you ate than as far as you know it could very well have been hog meat.
There isn't much good that can come from scratching at old wounds. With DID it's a part of healing when you recover those memories but this wouldn't nesesarily be a memory if you didn't even know when it was happening so why force it? I hope you find the answers you are looking for but sometimes it's better to just leave it at what we know. Best of luck to you wepow in this journey of yours. I wish you all the best!
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I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
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