nothing is working, It's new years eve, and I want somethings I Can't have. I'm trying to stay as safe as I can, but honestly I'm scared. I want help, but I also need to work, and I don't want to tell my family at all, so asking for professional help is out. unless something else happens. i really don't know what to do. I'll admit, I need help, but I don't want to seek it, since it would mean owing people money, and not having enough for me. grrrrrrrrr.

I finally contacted my friend, and the only way that he will help is to take me to the hospital..... I want to talk about what is going on, but I just can't talk to people about it. Or they may know how serious that it really is. I have one week of work, and then school starts. The best 4 days to go in to the hospital would be Monday through Thursday, That way I only miss 3 days of work. But I really don't want to go in to the hospital, or tell my family that things have gotten worse. I can't do this alone anymore, and I don't have someone to talk to about this. NO ONE!!! I am alone in the real world. I'm not alone here, people understand here, but at the same time, I feel so alone. I don't know how much longer I can hold on, to nothing. What can I do, when there is no one that will listen and talk back to me??