So maybe some of you can understand.

After wrestling down a rough week of winter depression, I finally turned a corner and started feeling a glimmer of hope these past few (sunny) days. I made a monumental (for me) decision to get out of my chair and take mom to get ourselves pedicures.

Mom has Parkinson's disease and I'm her care giver, she doesn't understand my depression and it upsets her to see me withdrawn. I had hoped that taking her out for a pedi would be a nice treat for both of us. But she refused to go, and made a bit of a fuss.

I'm not the only one dealing with stuff, mom lost dad a little over a year ago and tomorrow would be his birthday. She is frustrated by losing so much of her independence, and Parkinson's disease creates a type of dementia which is so hard for her. Some days she just feels angry that she doesn't have as much control, phisically or mentally, and she will go through times where saying 'no' is as much about her need to feel some control as anything.

Well, that first blush of energy after a difficult depression is a little bit fragile, and I ended up staying home (in my chair) and wrestling with the emotional ups and downs for rest of the day.