Can'tExplain: Yes, I know it's normal for teens to have crushes but mine never ended!
I went from crush to crush, which became my pattern, even after I was married. I don't know whether they turned into "obsessions" for Ts, wanting to be "in love" with them, or still crushes. Now I see that it's just a part of me that started even before teenage years.
Well, I have always gotten sex and love confused. When my T is nice to me and I feel good, I have said I feel "too good". The "too good" usually has a sexual component to it. My T knows that. Maybe it's that teenage part. I wish it were Tuesday so I could discuss it with her again. We've discussed my feelings for her many times, and done EMDR and IFS about them, but somehow I've forgotten or blocked it out when we do. I have to the work on the same issues over and over, it seems.
Brightheart: thanks for what you posted!
You sound just like my T!
Quote:
Maybe those parts of you don't have to grow up, Rainbow. They exist inside you and help to make you the person that you are. I've been doing some self-help with my parts (with the help of supportive friends). One thing I try to do is take my protector part to the others who need comforting. Can you find a part to help balance your critic?
Child part, I hear that you are wanting the comfort of your T. Teenager part, you are frustrated and want affection. Manager part, you sound overwhelmed. We are listening, and hear your feelings.
Is there a way for your parts to work together to create a more peaceful existence? How can you take care of your own needs in this?
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Yes, having the parts work together in harmony is the goal of IFS. I remember my T telling me that the child part doesn't have to grow up, that she just has to know that I will always be there for her! Same with the baby. I can always hold her! The teenage part is more complicated, but I have to learn to be there for her too.
WePow: thanks for your ideas. Yes, the crush is admiration for all of my
T's wonderful qualities. She is sort of a role model for me even though I'm older than she is. I suppose that doesn't matter. But part of it feels like the way I felt when I was 11 or 12 and had my first crushes.
Actually, I started feeling that way about a boy in 1st grade, and then in 4th grade. It was always one-sided and I never talked to those whom I "loved". The difference is that I now talk to my T about those feelings. I really need to accept this part of myself and find a way to meet her needs. My H is not there for me in a way that could be helpful.
mcl: thanks. People close to me tell me I am always negative, always complaining, whining, criticizing, never happy with anything. I can't seem to stop myself from doing that. I know my Ts have all seen it too. My former T used to say that every week I'd come in and tell her how I didn't feel well physically. My H says I'm always complaining to him, never satisfied. More issues to work on in therapy.