I know this is gross, but please don't hate me.

I haven't showered in nearly four weeks and it greatly distresses me even to write about it, because I am afraid that people will tell me I need to. I am leaving for inpatient stay soon and I am SO scared they will force me to shower.

I have like sponge bathed, washed my hair in the sink, etc, because I get very self conscious about it, but I can't shower. I am so scared that people will find out about it when I am inpatient. It started right after a therapy session. I no longer see the therapist anymore and it won't resolve itself.

I have always been fearful of showering to some extent. I would only do it twice a week or so. Then it went to once a week and then I just avoided it entirely. I really want to feel clean, the clean that sponge bathing doesn't give you, that fresh out of the shower feeling. But I can't do it. I am almost in tears right now just thinking about it.

Does this happen to anyone else???