One thing my T told me was often people with BPD have a hard time tolerating normalcy, bordeom, or other non-intense times. I have found this to be true. She suggested I try to name what is going on for me--like just saying, "I am bored." I noticed my anxiety (leading to self-harm) would spike if I was alone too long or didn't have a project or distraction. Now I can tolerate that more, knowing my bordeom does not mean I am a loser or no one wants to hang out with me. It just means I go through times of being alone and bored. Big deal.

Another huge turning point in my BPD was drawing the huge black, jagged rock that felt like was on my heart. Picturing moving it out. My therapist asked me what was in my heart after that rock was gone. I said--Nothing. So then I drew a large heart on a big piece of white paper and wrote in it all the things (big and little) that I could fill my life with when my anxiety and self-harm and addictions are not controling my life: ride my bicycle, talk to friends, read a book, volunteer at church, go to 12 Step meetings, learn to cook new foods, take walks, etc.

Our adrenals have been on overdrive our whole life, since our BPD likely comes from childhood trauma. Our brains literally feel like we are being deprived of something if we don't have a crisis. I am retraining my brain to be relaxed and not reach for my addictions/self-harm when there is no crisis. It's a work in progress.

Keep it up!!