For at least the first year with my current T, we had enormous difficulty communicating. She was always asking about feelings and I was always giving her intellectual answers. We spent a lot of time debating ideas in abstract terms. That was fine by me, as this was a comfort zone and a personal strength. She tried to make the discussion more personal and emotional. I felt this was cheating! She kept asking questions I couldn't answer. Questions I felt were irrelevant.

Also, I wanted to have control over the relationship. I had clear picture of what her role should be. Unfortunately, she had other ideas. I was determined to beat her (I was very competitive), to make her admit she was wrong, to put her in the wrong, but she resisted. So I felt she was trying to control me, to put me in the wrong. And she told me things I did not want to hear.

I was very frustrated.

Sometimes I felt she wasn't listening. In fact, she was listening with her heart, something completely beyond my comprehension.

Fortunately I was desperate and I held a deep irrational conviction that T was my last, my only chance. Somehow she won my trust. I guess it was her persistence and stability.

I don't know if this is any help to you, Stopdog, but I sincerely hope it is.