Thank you so much Soup...I'm just mad at myself because I thought I was in a space where I could just roll with the flow about T...and be okay with knowing that he might not get to my email until tomorrow...or that he might not be able to see me tomorrow (which I know this issue of not having a set time is ridiculous-and I think will always be a barrier...but there is nothing I can do about it...i already tried to quit because of it and was in so much grief and pain I was going nuts)...I felt I had made huge strides in being able to handle this...but every time I check my email and see that he has not responded sends me into an alternate state of mind...and i hate it...and I'm soooo close to email him and telling him I dont want to see him...ugg!! I feel like there is such tension around this...and I have to decide...email him or wait til he emails me-which I have a feeling will ask if we can meet later in the week...which makes me pissed..ugg