Thank-you for sharing your note - you absolutely do not deserve to be in so much pain right now - it may be so very painful for you, but that is not deserved.

Also do not beat yourself up about the SI - my T knows that I do and does not criticise me for it - he says we learn to use certain strategies to deal with pain and that is just one I have learned that works - obviously it would be better for me to learn more healthy ones, but at the moment if I am feeling bad and that is all I have, then that's just the way it is right now.

Be gentle with yourself, we all make choices in life based on the information we have available to us at the time - you made the right choice for you at that point in time.

Hugs to you - Soup