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A bit off-topic, my mother was truly "obsessed" with what others thought of her, and always displayed a high degree of shame about revealing any flaw. Seriously, I often got beaten severely for the slightest infraction of "what will the neighbors think" even up into my college years when I vistited home. So, that, along with the conditioning to compromise my feelings from early childhood onward regarding any injustice, makes it hard, even to this day, to feel justified in expressing any feelings of hurt.
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Seeker, I could be your sister...not
that sister, but a "sister" non the less!
Your insight is keen. What a strong woman you are.