I'm sorry that I don't give much advice here but I seem to be asking a lot. I'm just a mess right now and wondered if anyone had any advice. Here is a summary of what's happened:

- I have had problems with feeling sad and hurting myself since mid teens, which escalated at university so that I had to go to hospital.
- I get infatuated with parental figures like my university tutor, which can last intensely for years.
- In the last few years I have had CBT, counselling, and recently some psychotherapy.
- I fell in love with my last psychotherapist and can't stop thinking about him a year later.
- I want more psychotherapy but can't afford it and I'm scared I'll just feel hurt again.

It's such a mess, I have no idea where to go from here. I'm so lonely and feel like a hopeless case, I don't know how to get anywhere in life. I can't make anyone love me, my last boyfriends have all left me. I have wasted all the opportunities I've had so far. I feel like I want to email my old psychotherapist but know he would just ignore me because it would be the professional thing to do, which would feel even worse.