It really seems like it takes forever to get Lamictal up to a proper dose. You'll have to give it some time; I know I'm feeling very impatient with it myself, but it's starting to help now at 100mg. My brain isn't so slow as it was, I wake up much easier in the morning. I hope you start to see some improvement soon!

A lot of bipolars feel guilty about their behavior - are you in therapy? Maybe it would help to spend some time thinking about what part of that was you and what was the illness? I have forgiven myself of a lot of things once I realized it was really the illness and not me. When I feel "normal" (rare as that is) I don't act that way at all.

Welcome to PC - I hope you find it helpful. It's a very supportive community.