This forum is a pity party. Toxic people everywhere everyday are waiting to degrade and dismiss you. You already understand the difference between acceptance and rejection that come in various forms. Instead of embracing the lie that you're worthless, stupid, ugly, fat, unambitious or whatever else you hear from family / others, realize that many people are broken-winged birds. They cannot fly because their wings were once clipped by others who were hurting. Stop clipping your own wings. I don't necessarily believe that one can create or build a brand new self-esteem anymore than a broken-winged bird will every fly properly again. But they can learn to fly, perhaps not as high as a healthy bird, but fly they can. The principle applies to human beings too. You possess a heck of a lot more resilience than you realize. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. You would have taken your own life if you truly believed the negative thoughts you hear inside your head and from others. Stop the self-pity. It doesn't look good on you. It's certainly not attractive.