Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesShelly
I'm sorry if this doesn't make to much sense, it's a little hard for me to discribe.
It's like there are two parts to me. Inside and outside. Inside I'm hurting, crying, confused, ect.
There are two outside (or how I act around people) parts. I'm either happy, I smile all the time, I laugh, ect. Or I'm mad, irritable, angery, I make fun of people, I get into so many fights with people, I'm distant from people (even my closest friends), ect.
It's so confusing! It's not that I make myself act happy or anything. Yet I never act like I feel. I can feel so hurt on the inside and just want to cry, but I can't act that way on the outside! I don't know why and it make me so mad.
I feel like I'm dying inside, but no one knows that. Why? Because I can't act that way!
The thing is. When I act happy, I almost feel like I can hide from the pain I feel. When I act happy, I push the sadness and pain away. Then, when I don't have to act anymore (because I'm not around people anymore), the pain and sadness come back so much worse.
That's why I want to know what this is!! What is it that I'm doing? How can I stop doing this?
I want to be able to act the way I really feel. I just don't know how to do it.
I'm wondering if I just make up the 'bad' feelings inside to get attention, and really I am just happy. I just don't know.
How do I stop acting happy when I really don't feel that way?
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I feel like that as well & I was starting to think the same thing. My T even thinks I'm contradicting...it's very confusing. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? I wanna say Bipolar...well at least for me. I was diagnosed with that at 18 but refused to believe it & just took on the label of Depression because that's how I always felt. Now I can see how I may be Bipolar, but I don't really know 8\
Do you have a T or pdoc that can help you figure this out? If so, I would definitely consult with he/she. Take Care