If I may add a few words of my own experience? I am an American-born daughter of Italian immigrants, many aunts, uncles, cousins, as well as a larger community. A veritable little Italy. These people decided I was gay before I ever knew what it was. When I wanted to take auto shop in high school (along with maintaining all A's in college prep classes) my mother objected violently, saying it was no place for a girl. I said, the head baton twirler took it. She replied, and I remember her response because it was so strange, "she is probably one of them", which she wouldn't explain, she was just angry. So all these years I could have been changing the oil in my car myself, but for my mother's presumptions.

I would posit that your family is not miserable NOW - they are joyous every day that they have kept YOU under their control and miserable. They have known this about you from very early on, and figured out what it took to control your behavior. Just as my parents did with me. I am sure now they laughed about it behind my back.

My mother told me, maybe 15, 20 years ago, that I must not have REALLY wanted the things she opposed, because if I did, nothing would have stopped me from getting them. I said, "I thought you were going to kill me! I thought..." What did I think? She responded, "I had to leave my mother and make my life, and you were supposed to leave your mother and make YOUR life." But she didn't say that when I was 20, she said it when I was more than 40, when all my chances were gone.

I guess I am more concerned about your family's tight hold on you and what they THINK they are preventing - it might or might not be a match to what you think? I would explore that. Be the hero of your own life, instead of presuming yourself the hero of theirs? It might not be true?