Sorry you are feeling so low. I did not read your whole post as I can not concentrate that long. Gives me the willies or something. I will read more later. Weight gain is a hard one with depression as I never want to do anything. I to have gained weight but I blame my depression or me for this. Depression has taken all of my will power. It looks like it is overwhelming for you also. Try not to fall so far down, it is so hard to get back up again. Please take care of yourself first, keep getting out date or not. Try and make a to do list, a small list, get one thing done at a time. Good luck and keep posting.