Hi Elley,

I'm not sure what to say, but I did want you to know that I hear you and I'm sorry you're feeling so alone.

I totally get becoming really attached to parental figures... for me it was especially father figures. The child in us is probably always going to crave parental love that we felt was missing. It's related to something else you said, which is that you can't make anybody love you. And no, you can't -- neither can I. Nobody can MAKE anybody love them. And I think that for some of us (me included) that feeling itself, that we must MAKE people love us as if they were our parents or lovers is a huge part of what stands in the way of really experiencing love. I'm certain you're quite lovable, and that there are people in your life that love you.

I guess if I had any advice it would be to seek out the support of people that love you, but try not to force your expectations of what their love should look like upon them. Let people be loving to you in the way that they already are. I am definitely putting a lot of my own experience and my experience with others in a similar situation in here, so just take it for whatever it's worth.

Do you have friends you can hang out with nearby? Siblings, parents, other family? Try to stay occupied and social.

And if you can find some low fee therapy, go ahead and do it! So what if you have to cancel abruptly because you need to move. It sounds like you could really use the help now, so don't let anything like that get in the way of it.

Finally, it sounds like some sort of meditation or mindfulness group might be helpful if you can find one that's free or cheap nearby. It seems like it would ease the stress, but also the principle of letting go of things that aren't working out might be helpful for you, too. Good luck and keep posting.