Quote:
Originally Posted by net506
unhappyguy i am surprised, really surprised, in a good way. you seem to get the picture very well. i didn't have the guts to reply sooner, denial i guess with a short depression phase xd
it's not like i discovered i am gay yesterday, it has been more than 10 years. i went through a hell lot of emotions. i thought more than once of coming out and deal with anything life would through at me, because i thought i didn't have anything to lose, i was living a nightmare 24/7. the world is big big lonely place for me. and it kept getting worse by the second. i know depression, i know what it leads to, i know the fear of one's own thoughts. i know i am in a big mess and my life is only going to be sadder and lonelier.
do i like that? hell NO.
your advice is valid, it's the healthiest solution in my opinion. but i am not a standard case. i live my life for my family, i have always been like this. i grew up believing that my family is my first priority. and besides, they depend on me, i am the one holding the fmily together, it has always been my responsiblity to keep everyone together.
as long as i can remember, i always felt like it's my mission in life, bring joy to these miserable, sad and tortured people. they see me as their only hope, and i grew up to embrace it. it's a weight i cary not happily but i want to.
so, please don't judge me, i am not naive, and i am not stupid, and god i know i am trashing my life, heading for a very miserable future, but as long as i can see some joy for my family i think i can keep going.
i know how stupid it must sound. i know i am miserable -that's why i am here x)- and i know that you are only thinking of my happiness, and i am really grateful. you really seem to understand how dark it can be.
thanks again.
for the record when i saw your "blunt message" i did a lot of thinking, and you know you didn't say something i didn't know already, but still seeing the words outta my head, wriiten down by someone else, made it a lot more real than i care to admit. so i came out to the closest friend i have. it went alright, well, i knew the outcome before i said anything, that's why i did it. anyways, it helped a bit, i don't regret it but i don't think i am going for that path, won't work.
|
Hi, Net506 -
Thanks for your post. Please let us know what happened when you came out to your closest friend. What happened isn't clear. Were they accepting or not?
You may not believe you are a standard case but, frankly, YOU ARE! Yeah, I was raised by a family that told me that family is more important than friends. I too believed that they needed me. I too believed that I kept everyone in the family together after my dad died young and my closest brother died of cancer at 24. Turns out, the family is now a lot happier than me!! Did all my caring and self-closeting turn out for me? No.
In retrospect, it appears that the "family values" that I was raised with were really manipulation for them to own my life. Please don't fall for this trap. Please take responsibility for your life - no one else will. They sense you are needy and will take advantage of it. Get your college degree and get a job and get away. You can still help them out and have your own life. It's a shame they will miss out on your life. But, that's their game and their choice. Don't be manipulated into their trap.
I firmly believe that you can have it both ways - be out and have a happy family. Frankly, the family is not truly happy if you are unhappy. You know? If the family truly needs you then they will not care about your sexuality. You will be much better able to care for them if you are happy and have the support of your own friends rather than being a mere slave of the family. Yes, I said "slave." That's what you will be if you choose not to have a life and dedicate it to others who do not want to accept responsibility for their own lives and who, quite frankly, do not seem to really care about you.
In Europe, you don't have to go too far to live an open gay life. You can go to Scandinavia. Wonderful nations. I often dream of moving there but doubt I could get in permanently. The same goes for Canada. Really nice people there. Do you know how gay Montreal is? Very. And, you are fluent in French. Berlin is such a free city too. (Well, a little over the top for me but free nonetheless!)
Please, do not complement me and give more excuses. You are worth it. Growing up means being our own person. Growing up means leaving mom and dad and heading out on your own. It's a lot scarier when you are gay and feeling alone. You do not have the family's support to be yourself and that is very sad. But, you are smart enough to get a degree in engineering and speak/write at least 3 languages! And, you are smart enough to figure out a way to have a life and keep your family intact too. After all, you are not living in the Middle East anymore - you are in Europe. So, be smart and embrace both cultures. If your family truly needs you then they will take your help regardless. Do not be afraid to call their bluff. And, please, do not be a slave to self-centered, close-minded teachings and traditions. Be yourself. It will work. I have confidence that you can do it. Please have confidence in yourself. Do not be alone. Please choose to have a life with friends and a partner who truly loves you. You are so deserving and needing of love. Do not choose slavery.