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(JD) · Jan 02, 2012, 04:40 PM

You're right when you say you don't want to. I've been there...more recently than I care to think about, and not that far away from where I am right now...

But you can change your want to. Forget about (don't dwell on it, I mean) everything that is going on right now...every way people are telling you to think or act or any issues that are outstanding... wipe your plate clean. MENTALLY WIPE IT CLEAN RIGHT NOW. You, as of right now, have nothing on your plate (but to finish reading and thinking about this post.) You don't HAVE to do anything, do you? Nope.

Now what really do you want to do? I know you don't really want to die or give up... I think I'm correct in saying that you want things to change from the way they have been! And you can change them. You can. But you do have to want to change them.

I suffer with chronic pain, have for 25 years. I'm improving in my management of it (and no, if I had known it would have taken me this long I may not have continued trying.) But you don't have to go a long time now because of what we know about pain.... it's connected to how we think. Wow I know you probably are telling me off right now..but please listen. This does not mean that it's "all in your head" at least not the way you and I have been trained to believe that phrase.

But the body/mind/soul/spirit (however you wish to group them) are so intertwined that what we think is what the body produces, what the brain believes is true and causes the body to create what is true for us (or what we are thinking etc.) The bad aspect of this is we can make ourselves hate ourselves, our bodies, sickness, pain, illness etc. The good aspect is we can reverse all that to where we can find a contentment in life.

Just like our giving control to our negative reactions to our situations (in my case, a disabling injury) didn't occur overnight, taking back control with positive results is a process. Are you up to it?

CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) is a good start. This helps you identify the negative things that you are telling yourself. It also helps you "reframe" those thoughts and words into something that will, with time, heal you. It's worth it isn't it? To feel better?

It isn't brainwashing (one of the accusations I told my own psychologist years ago)

It's positive regard.

Block the bad thoughts, the negative comments you give yourself. You have a clean slate, remember? A clean plate. What do you wish to put upon it?

You don't deserve to hate yourself. You don't deserve to be in pain and suffering. You are a good person, who is healing and needs patience with herself, and others. Things are not as bad as they feel right now...and they will be better in the near future. You can make it so. (Now I sound like Captain Picard!)

Make a list of what you would do IF... and how you would have your life IF.... and then begin to walk towards those goals. If you believe in a higher power, then by all means involve him and trust.

There are good books to read such as "Your Body Believes Every Word you Say" and "Who Switched Off My Brain?" that will back up what I'm telling you. This is good psychology.

I think you really do want to live, but to live with contentment. You are the author of your life... the pain and suffering and frustrations are intrusions as you go your journey... intrusions you can now take control of. Do your best, it's a process remember? Small steps... "I want to heal" " I will manage my pain as best I can for now" "My best is good enough." "I will be patient with myself and give myself time to be me."

Be well.