After... how many days of work... I get a day off, and then get called in to work... so much for a day off... Sunday for sure.
Besides that, I thought of calling my doc about what's going on with the sui/si thoughts increasing, but didn't. I got off work about 2, and the office closed at 5... and being tired after a few days of working really early. I just didn't want to do anything after that. Which could be bad, and could be good....

I think I know one thing that is adding to my stress level... the lack of financial stability. I"m a student, and I work part time. Right now I am trying to take care of my bills before I can even see people about what's been going on... I just hope that the next week goes very quickly and then I can see pdoc and t.

I just hope I can make it the next 6 days, I'm just scared that something will happen that will lead me to a place I don't want to be. That's the fear that comes with me, to work, when relaxing, when doing nothing, when trying to study, when doing anything. That fear I just hope keeps me away/here... if that even makes sense.