Hi!

I'm never been one for forums but I have some things I would like to discuss and hear opinions about. I have recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. My psychiatrist says that technically it is Bipolar I disorder - I have had severe mania and psychotic depression - however he does not like to classify, viewing the disorder as something that they do not fully understand the cause of mental disorders and thus, in his opinion, it is out of the boundaries of classification and should be used as an overall descriptive term. Looking back I think it all started when I was about 7 with my first depressive episode. This is probably the only time that I was seriously suicidal. I have worked out that so far in my 23 years of life I work on around a seven year cycle. Depression at 7, 14, 21. Mania starting a few years later and not quite as clockwork... well you get the picture... In between those extremes I have had more minor cycling though nothing that I believe affects me in too adverse a way.

I was diagnosed after coming down from a manic episode, and realising, for the first time (I feel so selfish!), that my behaviour had affected the people I love. I told my endocrinologist about it (I have type 1 diabetes), and he pointed out to me that what I described to him was mania and he referred me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me. He wanted me to try lithium. However, I was near the end of completing a Master of Science and I did not want to change now that I was returning to normal. I am also terrified of getting fat (a side effect of years of dance training haha). And 5 injections a day is enough drugs for me. I struggle with the idea of preventative meds, especially when I am not rapid cycling. My psychiatrist respected my decision and I decided that once I completed my masters I would look into seeing a psychologist to work on day to day life stuff.

So, I have completed my Masters and I have been excepted into a top PhD program with a top scholarship. I am so excited. The only thing that could stop me now would be an extreme episode which had quite the effect on me during my Masters. Although even minor depressive episodes are a worry, I guess.

I promised myself that I would see a psychologist now. However, I'm scared. I have been to see psychologists before and before the end I have known exactly how to get out of seeing them again. I had a very traumatic childhood, but as you may have guessed, I have moved on from that and I don't want to be forced to bring it up. I want to deal with the NOW. You know... tracking my moods, being organised, being sure of what is going on in my life... Stability! Should I even go see a psychologist? What should I say to them to be clear about how I feel. I don't want to offend them, but I want to be frank and clear.

Suggestions?

Sorry this was such a long post!!!!!