This so resonates with me. My mother always keeps her eagle eye and ear on me at family events, afraid i'll say something to embarrass her. When I was doing open-mike nights comedy in the 80's, she came to see me one night to evaluate my act, even though I asked her not to. That's what your post reminded me of, that she will do what she will, I have no control over my environment, she can intrude whenever she wants. wow. so I finally grew a boundary! now t is inside it, we're all comfy cozy, and she is outside it. But I was always outside her boundaries anyway; she let only my brother in.