Hi, Giabrina.

I do not think right or wrongness applies to saying "suicide is always an option" but I do not feel that attitude is a healthy one.

Again, I don't know about "right"; I think it was great that someone came to check on you, your community cares, in a sense, whether you and your family are doing well or not and that the policeman knew your husband certainly made it more comfortable for him; presumably your husband would know you better than the policeman could and if your husband had been worried, then the policeman would have had a second person to check his own impressions of your state with. The policeman does not know about your marriage problems and if you had been suicidal, probably would have been better able to help you with your husband there; any problems would take second place to keeping you and the children safe.

What support did you feel you needed? You said you were fine and you were engaged in appropriate behavior cooking dinner for the children, etc. The policeman was convinced you were not suicidal and your husband has his own problems. Were I your husband (I'm female too) I might have stayed with you, chatted with you and gotten involved with helping make dinner or entertaining the kids, etc. but it does not sound like something your husband can/would/thought to do.

You say your husband did not look at/acknowledge or speak to you for a couple days; it takes two to make a relationship. Did/do you discuss your desires or needs with your husband or inform him of what you are working on? Did he know you were looking for an intensive outpatient program?

It is supportive of us to let our partners know what is going on so they are not "surprised" or mystified by our behavior. Did you discuss what the policeman told him or knew? How would you feel if you got a call that your husband might be suicidal and would you meet the police at his work? Then you get there and he's in the middle of a meeting with coworkers and just going about his work? I would feel a little silly and even embarrassed, perhaps, to be there, especially after the police left. Too, I would suspect there was a reason the police and I had called there, that he had said something about suicide that someone thought might be serious so I would probably project some of my embarrassment and discomfort onto him, and maybe blame him for causing my discomfort. Since he said nothing to me, I would not know what was going on with him, how I fit into his world; I would go back to mine and probably worry and stew in my anger.