I am sorry about your loss... I lost my best friend (my dog) this year too and it was extremely hard. My parents decided to put him down the day before my birthday because he was going blind and he was extremely aggressive; no one could touch him any more, not even to take him out for a walk. I miss him dearly as I never got the chance to say good bye to him. I got his body from the place where they put him down and we cremated him, I have his ashes next to my bed. I hope you are able to heal soon.