I had posted on my last thread that I would have to attend a funeral visitation last night, and would be seeing my father/abuser. It was awful, and on the way home I had to deal with a panic attack-I was by myself, and driving. I won't go into the details of the encounter, my feelings, etc. because it could be triggering to you and to me.

I wish I had talked to T beforehand, because she would have recommended that I not go. I wish I hadn't, and I am not sure why I didn't even consider not going. I always do what is expected of me, and I need to learn to change that behavior.

A follow up the drinking and self-medicating, I am getting better. My number of drinks is way down from the previous week. Unfortunately, I am also going from my manic state into depression. These two events always seem to go hand in hand. I can tell that it must be getting pretty bad, because the T says to call her anytime, day of night, if I feel my mood getting any darker.

Now I am looking forward to the pdoc visit next week, because I need new meds. If I can just hold on until then!

Bluemountains