I feel very out of place here, like I shouldn't be posting because I KNOW I don't have PTSD. But this seemed like the right place to post...I hope you don't mind!

As many of you know, I've been in hospital 9 times, from 16-19. Lots of different meds, different therapies, rounds of ECT. I'm 19 now. It's been over 7 months since my last hospitalization.

But my memories of it all are in bits and pieces. So much happened, I know. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Why did my mind block out most of it? On another thread I made in the Bipolar section, a lot of people said it was because of trauma. When I hear "trauma" I think, SA, witnessing a death, fighting in the war, being severely bullied...stuff like that.

Sure, lots of my hospitalizations were intense, and lots of stuff happened, (Of course, the memories are bits and pieces) but can it really be labelled "trauma"? I avoid thinking about the psychiatric hospital as much as possible, because it makes me feel depressed and panicky inside. Sometimes I dream about the hospital, which is always unnerving. I hate passing by the hospital, even, let alone go inside it, because of how it makes me feel.

It bothers me that these memories affect me so much, in the present day. Why can't I just leave the past, and the accompanying fear, behind?