*Trigger for description of a T's (not my T's) misconduct*

I know this is a delicate topic. I know that there are people on here who have been badly hurt by their Ts crossing boundaries. I know that my feelings may be incomprehensible to some and plain stupid to others. I know that I'm leaving myself open to judgements, but I have to get this out. Please be gentle with me.

My T has two jobs. In her other job, one of her close T colleagues gave a patient huge amounts of money, began a sexual relationship with her, and moved her into his house. He's since been struck off.

Clearly, I know that what he did was horrifying. He betrayed the client, his colleagues and his profession. I feel for the poor poor client so much. I also feel shocked by a professional who's regulated by the same board as him.

but... but... the little one in me is saying 'I want to live in T's house!!!!!'. I've always wanted to live in T's house. That's not new. And I've told her, and she's been containing and validating while being clear that it's just not a possibility. But if this girl was allowed to live in his house, then that changes everything. Suddenly, it is something that could happen. Nothing is contained. Anything is possible. But T still says no. And I wonder, is it because that client was gooder than me? If T really loved me, wouldn't she say yes? But at the same time, I'm terrified that T will do what that other T did with someone. And she'll be struck off and I'll lose my lovely T.

I badly want T to break the rules. I badly need T to keep the rules. And writing this, I realise that we badly need *all* Ts to keep the rules. Because when even one T doesn't, therapy- and the world- become less safe for everyone. And we need safety more than most people, because we've had less of it than most people.

Thanks for listening. Writing this helped a lot