((((Mylifeisdepressing))))

I am glad you reached out and that you are talking here. There are many here that can identify with how you feel, I am one of them. At times even though I know I have people that love and care very much about me it feel so alone and as though I am unworthy of anyone at all. I write too and I sometimes cannot bring the words down to the paper as my head seems to block things or it is too hard to really get out what is there.

I write into the night when the world around me is sleeping and it feels safest there. It is usually then that the words begin to flow from somewhere very deep within, a place I do not even understand myself. I get afraid to post it as it is so dark right now that I feel it is not important and that no one wants to hear where I am. But the truth is, it is the lies depression tells us to keep us locked inside and feeling that way.

I am sorry that you felt no one cared but it is not true. You are cared for here very much. Sometimes when we write and post something and members read it, it can hit home and sometimes they cannot answer until thought about. I know that when I read your post I had to step back as it hit hard because I understood it and could relate to what you were saying. But after I was able to grasp what I was feeling myself, I then came back so that I could give you support and encouragement without all my own emotions screaming within.

You are not alone and I do validate how you feel. I hope that you will keep trying to write your music and play guitar, and sing. Sometimes we all feel like we cannot write or something and sometimes if we allow it to just be the words will come back. I know that at times I just need to step away for a while. It is still there and will start coming again when we are ready. I do wish you well there and hope you will keep trying.

As far as the SI goes I do understand and have also struggled with that. You are not alone. It is hard when the pain hits and it feels the only way out. But I also have realized that even after relieving the pressure of the pain, what caused the pain in the first place is still there and now there is even more to deal with---my own guilt and shame, hiding it and the fear under it all. I do get it and you are not alone, but sometimes doing something like writing and getting out the pain that way can really help. Write about that pain and what you are feeling. The worlds will come just trust yourself. Sometimes just free writing can get us started, just letting out how you feel.

I hope you will keep reaching out and posting. We are here and are listening. You are not alone even though it feels that way. Know that we do care. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps