Elley,
This is a good place to ask for help whenever you want. It doesn't matter if you post replies or not.

You sound very self aware of what happens with you, so that should make it easier to move ahead.

Are you still at a university? They probably have some counseling you can get for free, though it might not be as much as you want or need. But maybe if you ask even at the places that charge for therapy, they could refer you to someplace that does it for free or for less.