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PurpleFlyingMonkeys · Jan 04, 2012, 01:14 PM

Possibly triggering***

Thank you! I appreciate the understanding and the advice and it is something I will definately consider. What you were mentioning... Something for him... Turns out the opposite (being done for me) is a rather large trigger for me. He doesn't know and doesn't know why but it really is. I just have to find a way to offer for him but distract him from myself, I don't want that kind of trigger. He may know by now I don't know, he seems to really pick up on how I'm feeling even when I try to hide it from him. He's stopped trying to do things for me because of this trigger but IDK if he realizes why I always turned it down or if he thinks it's just not something I want to do. Either way I don't know if it makes a difference as long as he knows that it's not something I feel comfortable with.

With abusive childhoods it's rather common for the child to learn to start blaming themselves and for the child to develop a much higher set of standards for themselves over anyone else. I've realized that I do this with myself, I expect the absolute most from myself and will accept nothing less. I feel like others, mostly including God, judge me more strongly than anyone else, this being said I feel that what I am doing, whenever I sin, that it is unforgivable to him. I know Jesus died on the cross for my sins (sorry if this is changing subject or if it should have been in the spiritual forum) but I feel I have sinned more than I was allowed and now any sin I commit is unforgivable so this is causing a lot of inner turmoil right now. Perhaps as you said revisiting the subject and offering an alternative to what we have now until the time comes would work... Worth a try right? Thanks again