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Originally Posted by gulas
AniManiac, I have always gulped when I should have perhaps sipped. Is this a symptom of being bipolar? Maybe it is. And maybe all these lows have been the direct result of having loved and lived in such an all-consuming way. So be it.
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That drew a grin - I have always operated on the principle of "all or nothing." I don't know that being intense and passionate is all that bad, but we seem to take it to a new extreme. I can't say that I regret it, but moderation sure doesn't come naturally.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulas
let me just wrap it up by saying that in your (new, sober) life you may never experience again anything quite like the manic phases we've all come to know and love. In fact, I'm quite sure of it. But it may prove to be a more sustainable, if somewhat muted bliss... So really the only responsible thing to do is break the old, un-sustainable molds and build something that will last longer than a summer or a semester. Speaking for myself here of course.
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I'm trying to come to terms with this. It's so hard to say goodbye to being in love with the world when the replacement seems to be "meh." I can't handle the enormous variability in cognitive function and I'm in treatment precisely because I know it's not sustainable.
Intellectually, I know what I'm trading and that it's worthwhile. There's quite a bit of relief in the return of mental capacity that's otherwise vaporized by depression, but it's achingly painful to think that I'll never experience that euphoria and heightened mental clarity again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by gulas
Do I sound high? I hope not. Still very sober here, wishing everyone else the same. Nor am I manic. Actually I'm just sitting here very quietly, gently typing away as I wait for a little peace so as to resume my fascinating book.
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Not to me - you write lovely, thoughtful prose.
