I guess I keep reverting to using the wrong tool to get the job done. I'm trying to use analytical thinking to 'understand' and change emotions. Maybe I need to stop trying to figure it out (for awhile) and just leap in and let those emotions be felt in all their fullness. Maybe I need to put 'thinking' on the back burner and let myself feel all the rage, fear, shame, and guilt that resides inside. Maybe I shouldn't hold back.

But, I worry that I'm inflaming emotions by doing that instead of managing them. It makes no sense to add fuel to the fire.

Also, impatience is a factor. I think that if I study it hard enough and think deeply enough, I can force it. But I must keep remembering that even the mighty oak tree was first a seed and needed time to become what it is.

And shame. I think - "Why am I so stupid? Anyone else would get this solved this sooner. My T must think I'm the biggest idiot she's ever seen. She must be so sick of me by now. How pathetic it is that I can't learn such simple lessons."

And so sometimes it's embarrassing walking into her office. That she must be thinking, "you again?"