(((((((skysblue))))))

My T and I go over the same things over and over and over and over again. And I just spent most of my last session saying just what you're saying...I WANT to feel better, I WANT to have different beliefs, I even understand intellectually that I *should* have different beliefs, but the old stuff just hangs on, no matter how hard I work. It's so frustrating.

And I guess when I look at the BIG picture - me now vs. me before I started therapy - I really can see a difference. But talk about baby steps, you know?

My T works in an organization with some really good T's...Ts that are nationally known, that have done their own therapy work for years, that are on TV shows and writing books and doing these really amazing things. And he told me that they still get triggered and they still have to ask for help and do the work. They're not "done". Maybe they will never be done...but I do think they're ACCEPTING of where they're at, and maybe that is they key.

At one point I thought about how it is when my kids have the flu. I don't feel impatient with them or judgmental of them. I don't try to make them "hurry up and get better". I get them blankets, and soup, and books, and movies, and take care of them and wait for it to pass. And I thought, what if I treated MY healing with that same gentleness? I don't get mad at my kids...what if I don't get mad at myself? And just THAT tiny shift...the thought that I could get myself a blanket and some tea instead of working harder and getting down on myself...was a step in the right direction. A step away from "I'm bad".

Be gentle with you