Hey Purple-

I'm glad there's actually someone out there that I can identify with when it comes to this!! My husband and I, I'll call him G, were just like the two of you. I was not a virgin when I met him, he was, and we're both Christian. And we had premarital sex. We both really beat ourselves up about it, but, once you start, how do you go back from that? We were both in college and knew that we wanted to get married, and living in sin was rough on both of us. We talked about it a lot and it became overwhelming, just not knowing what to do. For valentine's day last year, he bought me a puppy. I had been very depressed and really struggling, and that little dog was just what I needed to pull me out of my horrible funk. He had gotten her for me because he wanted to take care of me, and that was all he knew to do that would help. I'll never forget it as the most important thing that happened in 2010! Because of that, I knew I wanted to marry G, and I decided that I was going to propose. It was a weird revelation for me, but I was so, so sure. I got him a ring, asked his parents for his hand, etc, and one morning when he came over to wake me up I had written "Will you marry me? Please??" on my stomach in sharpie marker. We got married a little over a month later on the front lawn of our college, where we met. A huge, huge part of us getting married so early was because we knew it was "better to marry than to live in lust". And I won't lie, it's hard. We're young (21) and not done with school. We bought a house and we live a good life, work hard, love deeply, but it's not all fun and games and I don't recommend marriage to everyone. If you're meant to marry you'll know. Talk to him about it but don't exhaust him with it. It's perfectly acceptable for a woman to take the upper hand and propose if you're in that kind of a relationship!! I think in G and I's relationship, he was the one who wanted all of the commitment most and I was more of a "free spirit", so by me proposing, it was a bigger deal. I knew he wanted to get married but he didn't know that I did. Does any of this make sense? I know I'm just blathering on.

Main point: having premarital sex when you're convicted it's wrong will take a toll of your spiritual well-being. You can continue to drag yourself down spiritually or you can take control and make a change. I don't necessarily feel like giving bj's or whatever else will get you out of the "premarital sex" category. I mean, what's the difference, really? I almost think the other stuff you can do for sexual gratification can be much more graphic than just having sex. I hope I don't sound judgmental cuz I've absolutely been in your shoes and I know what it's like.