Hey Siani
You know what? I'm sure your aunty would rather help out her precious niece than %#@&#! off around the world and do career thingos! I'm sure she values you above all sweets. I definitely think dat you need to go to her and fully just confide in her. Just tell her that you really need her and that you really value all her help. I'm sure she will totally feel needed and appreciated. Just emphasise how much help you need! I'm sure dat she cares that much k. And if she doesn't i'll be suprised- or pissed off at her! If she really ain't able to help you that much- that could be ok also- maybe it just means that she really ain't equipped to deal with it enough though- even if she does love you to bits! I think we both just got to keep searchin for ppl dat can help us on a daily basis. I just think that we both physically need some people around us dat can help- coz i think that that's the only way really. We need some encouragement and some prodding on the back- like constantly- i know. And it's a really tough thing to ask of someone heh- but you can- and i'm sure that there's someone out there who does love and care for you enough to help you out of this. Just be selfish and ask people- you've got to do it for yourself. you've got to do it so you save your life! Be bold and don't really worry too much about who the frig says anything or what ever.
Those b*****s dat were nudging you today can go rot chick- coz they have no idea what it's like being bulimic and annorexic. They're just a bunch of no brainers. Don't worry about it. Don't be so hard on yourself either. Sorry- it kind of sounds like i'm telling you what to do and all by saying "don't do this", and "don't do that". Just because you promised that you wouldn't purge and all doesn't mean that i or anyone reading these posts thinks anything less of you. I think you have a very strong character. Truly i do. I think that it takes so much courage to face such problems with mental health like you have at such a young age. I think you are a very brave person and i think highly of you. I don't think you are a failure at all. I just think you are a human. The thing that is so great about you is that you haven't just given in. you keep getting back up and trying to stop it. You do keep fighting- even if you don't think you don't. You are brave sweets. K? This is going to sound dumb and you are probably going to think that i'm the massivest dickhead- but i think you should give yourself a pat on the back some times you know. I think that you should make the small successes that you have into triumphs- and then those small successes hopefully will turn into something bigger and so on. Till you build up to a place where you can just enjoy who you are!
I don't think that you should be embarassed about who knows that you're bulimic. Don't worry about that. Everyone's got their secret problems. EVERYONE DOES. I just think that you're brave enough to have yours out on display. I think that that's admirable. So just remember that everyone has a little part of who they are that's a bit stuffed up inside. To me you just sound like an open and honest person and that's not embarassing at all. Those are highly beautiful qualities k??? REMEMBER DAT!!!
I'm glad that you say that you're definitely going to stay in school because you sound like someone that should definitely be there- just because you're so intelligent! I think you know a lot about your condition and i think that you've seen a lot of life. I think that you've hurt a lot and possibly a lot more than some really fat old bastard adults have- and you're only just 15. I think it's great how you've been able to stick with school- even after those 3 months- you're back there and i bet that you're kicking *** at it too. Just give it your best. Go for it and enjoy it.
Just about your last comment on how you said something about blaming you for not eating- i totally don't blame you for anything. I think you are way too hard on yourself! I totally recognise all of this in myself. We both need to lighten up on ourselves.

I hope you find someone spesh to help you through all of this sweets- because you deserve a great life. Just dream about all the things you wana do in life and hold onto hope. I think that anyone who has a goal in their life can't fail. If there's something you really want out of life i don't think it's possible to fail. Yes- some times goals that you thought were really important seem to transform into others (which may be more achievable and enjoyable). What i'm trying to babble on about here is that i think that you should aim really high in life- but failing can lead to such great new exciting paths that you never thought possible! I know failing at things sounds terrible and scary- but some times it's great to fail. It just means that you're human- and that you've got something to try for on the next day. You don't have to be perfect. YOU REALLY DON'T. I'm sure that people just love you for who you are.

I just want to share one of my favorite hope sayings with yah and everyone:

"Great hopes make great men"
-Thomas Fuller - English divine and historian

I love that saying
Anyway- i hope your interviews went well today and i'll catch up with you later.
Just remember what i said- something a long the lines of that you need to grab someone by the balls (not literally) and get them to help you daily! A family member would probably be the most available. I dunno.

Love and hugs

-Sezzie-