Quote:
Originally Posted by suzzie
i dont understand how they can work. how can you get someone to not hit you. cause just standing there isnt working!!! how can get them to stop. get them to understand when your mad. you cant hit on someone uncontrollably. i dont know how its possible to make a boundary work. but would like to figure it out. i dont know what im doing wrong.
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suzzie, I don't know your situation or how old you are. My parents were extremely abusive. When I was in high school, one of my teachers FINALLY asked me if my parents hit me. I lied and said that they USED to. She said that if they ever hit me again, she would give me a safe place to live and make sure I got to college (she knew that was incredibly important to me and might keep me in an abusive situation just to be sure I could go to college). My teacher also said she would take in my younger sister as well, knowing I could not leave my little sister behind.
The next time my mother went to hit me, I stood up and told her she couldn't hit me any more. I had a safe place to go and I would take my little sister and she would never see us again. I still believe it was the threat of my taking my little sister, who she actually adored, that was the effective part of the threat. She never hit me again.
So, to have an effective boundary, there has to be a consequence to the abuser of hitting you. I hope things improve for you.
