There is always hope that we can change..honestly, your T's half of the story isn't important, it is your half that matters..the person you portray here is a part of who you are, who you want to be..I moderated a forum once and had the knowledge and words to give to others, yet could not use them for myself..I felt like a fake because I had so many issues of my own..kinda like I was representing myself falsely..but that strong stable person was/is a part of me, a side of myself, and I believe that is the same of you...my concern is about you..there is no judgement with me for your T..she seems very harsh with her words but I do not negate her ability to counsel you..my prayer is that this whole thing will work out the way that you want it to..that the desire of your heart will be fulfilled, and if it is for therapy to continue with your T that it will come to pass..you always deserve support and care...