i have several problems with sexuality that, individually and combined, overwhelm me. i do not know what to do. here's the list:

1. i seem to attract very dysfunctional people, e.g., adults who fall in love with me without even going on a date; adults who fall in love with me by the third date when i feel that i hardly even know them. i do not find such situations to be positive. rather, they trouble me deeply.

2. when i do meet someone, i feel that i am not worthy. both my parents rejected me on several levels and were very cold emotionally. my emotional needs - especially from my mother - were never met. when i meet someone and they like me, i freak out. falling in love is supposed to be very pleasant but, for me, it's a nightmare. love just feels wrong. i have very mixed emotions about it - mostly negative. and, i am not a touchy - feely type of guy, especially in public.

3. i am troubled when i meet someone and all they want to do is go to bed before getting to know each other. this is not what i am looking for.

4. i have physical problems due to being glucose intolerant. i am prone to urinary tract infections and yeast infections after sex. i am deeply embarrassed by these physical problems. also, sometimes the day after sex, my skin gets very itchy. i have dry skin and have a good amount of body hair. somehow for me, all this makes me feel that sex is not for me. i get really discouraged and feel cursed.

5. lastly, i do not like my sexual orientation. i hate being gay. hate it. it's awful. i get very upset when i hear presidential candidates and religious know-nothings say it's a choice. it isn't. if it were changeable, i would have changed long ago. their lies complicate my life and all LGBT peoples' lives terribly. so many people are scarred from it. i've experienced a lot of discrimination. so much discrimination that i have trouble holding a job. i'm really just a regular guy. my experiences have been so dismal that i no longer go out to meet anyone. i can't bring myself to date - can't say that i enjoy dating at all. i don't know how to change this.

i have been seeing a T but there has been no improvement. i am feeling very low and at my wit's end. it seems like i've tried everything. i can't seem to find anything that helps. my MD does not seem to care much about the physical problems because they keep me HIV- and STD-free. some therapists have not been able to help because they are trained to help sex addicts and drug addicts but not someone who is suffering but, to them, is functional. progress with my current therapist is very slow. i am very despondent and don't know how much longer i can hold out. i can't seem to make my life better. i feel that i am cursed.