Okay, so this has been bugging me for a while now. I get along great with my family, differing degrees with each family member; as I'm sure of course is natural. I have a close relationship with my mom and one of my two brothers. The other one, well, not so much. But I know I shouldn't feel bad because he's a bit aloof from all of us. I just feel like in the past I didn't make the effort to connect with him maybe? But now I have a great relationship with my other brother- we call each other fairly often- but with my oldest brother it's always a bit of a strain. It's like pulling teeth. Like today, I talked to my one brother a good 45 minutes on the phone, a good catch up, free for all, what have you, it was nice. I hadn't spoken to him since before Christmas, seeing as he and his wife were on the east coast this year with her family. I saw my oldest brother and his wife on Christmas Eve. So a bit later, (not right away, 'cuz I don't like to call one person after the next, it's sort of forced feeling that way) I decided to try to calling my oldest brother. It rang and rang and I left a nice message.
I was surprised he called me back within ten minutes. I don't know what he was doing, still at work or the gym. See my other brother mentions a lot of details like that, same with my mom.
Granted, he doesn't owe me any explanations, but it's like we just talked about christmas and the girfts and how I was and how he and his wife were but that was it. Not even ten minutes. I was ready to keep talking but I guess it's hard to force a relationship with someone if they're just not feeling it. I mean, that's just the impression that I get. He always seemed closed off and private. Which is how I feel myself and relate to him more but sometimes I just think I'm a just a bit more personable and socially with it perhaps. But then, I don't talk to him as much thought we always say we'll talk more often when we do talk.
Granted, he was going to the store and didnt really have time to talk but I'm realizing that it's always more or less the same conversation with him. Maybe I'm thinking too much, but the last time I had a really long conversation with this brother like I do with my other brother and mom was maybe like 7 to ten years ao. I hung up the phone feeling worse than before. I was upset and saddened in fact, I played some angst music for a bit. I just don't know if I should even bother much.
I mean, he and his wife say they care- he says he loves me a lot, but it's just not the same feeling I get as with my mom and my other brother and his wife. They're more engaging. Granted, my oldest brother's wife is engaging when I see her, but he's mostly not. I don't know, I guess he just has a difficult personality and I should'nt think too much on it?

Follow up- I talked to my mom and she remined me of how my oldest brother does'nt like to talk on the phone. I haven't talked to him on the phone in a while so I guess it was easy to forget- I remember now he even told me that recently. And he's always fine in person- I guess I'm too sensitive sometimes. lol.