I felt I just had to respond to this thread because I discussed this exact topic with my T this week! I'm out of town right now so I had a phone session with my T, including an exchange of pictures via text. Generally, I feel more or less "positive" about my appearance. I know that, by society's standards, I'm considered attractive and the people in my life frequently tell me they think I'm pretty. However, my experience with my family is entirely different. I come from a family of attractive women, including professional models and NFL cheerleaders. (I actually did a little modeling myself as a teenager but absolutely hated it. I much prefer an academic career to one based on looks-- modeling simply doesn't align with my personal values). Anyway, long story short, my family has always considered me the "heavy one" or the "less attractive one." I am in fact heavier than my sister and my cousins, but I'm not overweight. I wear a size 4 or 6. Intellectually, I know this-- but, being around my family, they make me FEEL like I'm overweight. They point at my stomach (which is not perfectly flat), tell me I could be smaller, and suggest things like plastic surgery (many of them have had plastic surgery). They make me FEEL ugly. Because of that, I have a hard time eating around my family, taking pictures with my family, and holding onto any shred of self-esteem when I'm with them. Even though I'm an adult now, being around my family over the holidays (and staying in my childhood bedroom) sent me right back to being the insecure teenage girl I used to be. So, anyway, my family and I took a Christmas picture together and, when I looked at it, I was almost shocked. My perception in my head did not match what I saw in the picture. Despite what my whole family says about me, I honestly don't think I look like "the ugly fat one" in the picture. Because of my insecurities, I felt I needed an honest, outside opinion. I know those on PC might think my T wouldn't be honest with me, but I disagree. T specializes in eating disorders and body image issues, and she says she will honestly tell a client if they need to lose/gain weight and stuff like that (in a nice, helpful way, of course!). So, I sent my T the picture and this was her response, ver batim, via text.

T: Everyone is very attractive, and you are one of the most. Honestly, Scorpio.
Me: Thanks. I'm curious though what you say to clients when they're insecure and you honestly think they're unfortunate looking and can't simply be silent on the issue.
T: Haha; glad I don't have to deal with that issue with you! I tell them what specific feature I find attractive and emphasize that looks aren't everything!

That exchange with T REALLY helped! I trust her and value her opinion-- as well as her sense of humor! It also gives me insight into her approach as a T. When T and I talked about it more via phone, I asked her if she had ever felt compared to her sister when they were growing up. Her response was "oh my god, yes!" and she explained that, like me, she was considered the "smart one" while her sister was "the pretty, skinny one." Hearing this from T actually surprised me. I know my T's intelligent and has an impressive pedigree so it doesn't surprise me that she was "the smart one" but it does surprise me that her sister was considered the "skinny one." (Since I've never seen a picture of T's sister, I have no idea who is prettier, but my T is undeniably skinny. I'd peg her at about a size 0). Honestly, I think T would be more attractive if she GAINED weight. When we hug, I can feel just how thin and bony she is. Yet, she said when she saw her mom recently, her mom noticed she'd lost weight, but commented that her sister was still smaller! Yuck. Hearing that, I really felt for my T. I know from my own experience just how damaging that can be when you hear it from your family (from the people who are supposed to love you the most). I think my T is beautiful, and it hurts to know her family of origin isn't giving her that feedback and building up her self-esteem. I know she's the T, so she doesn't need my feedback on the issue, but I do wish her family saw her the way I see her. I am, however, glad that she chose to self-disclose on the issue because it really helped me to know that she's gone through the same thing with her family that I've gone through with mine. And it helped to see how warped the messages we get from our families can be! If her family can be so wrong about her, then maybe I can accept that my family is wrong about me.

Thanks T