Hi Tom,

I just wanted to throw in my .02.

From what I've read you are very frustrated and at the end of the line here. I wanted to give you some suggestions as to what to tell your doctor and to recommend that you make an emergency appointment (same day).

If I were feeling like you are and having the thoughts that you are expressing here I would tell my doctor the following.

I have seen you now 7 times in 4 months and my condition has not improved. I need you to stop giving me numbers to call and actually take the time to evaluate me or refer me to somebody who can. I have been through this before and so I can recognize the signs. I not only feel, but am, totally isolated. I am bored with everything, find no interest in anything I do. I feel as if I am about to snap. I have tried repeatedly to get help to no avail. I can no longer do this on my own.

A more honest approach would be:

I need an immediate referral to somebody who can help me, because so far I am not getting better. I feel very angry at times as if I am about to snap. I have thoughts of harming myself or others, although I have not acted on those. I have nobody I can talk to about my emotional well-being and I need you to take me seriously. I am not here for your attention, I am here because I am desperate for help. I am not leaving until I receive the help I need.

Granted the second approach may get you held for three days, but that may be what you need for an honest evaluation of your condition.

If you find you are going to your doctor and are unable to say how you are feeling, or get any words out, then I recommend printing out what you have written here or writing something else and handing it to him/her.

You cannot go on like this. You are clearly a potential danger to others. While you still can, I want you to think about those you have considered harming (your son being one of them). What did they do to deserve such a demise? Let's avoid a tragedy and get you help. If you need assistance finding a therapist or qualified doctor who will take you seriously, you can PM me your location and I will help you find one. Do not do this alone anymore and do not let the inattention of others turn this into a tragedy.

Love and Hugs,
Tara