Oh goodness, my therapist and I got into a huge mess over the way I looked. Huge big honking mess. I completely put him in a no win situation.

I had decided that I was ugly. I had also decided that all men cared about was the way a woman looked. To make matters worse, I had come to the conclusion that it was disrespectful when a man even looked at a woman in order to appraise her physical beauty - because, of course, that's all men cared about.

So I would say that I was ugly and just don't measure up to the standards that men set for looks.

My therapist would disagree, rightly, because it wasn't true. I would then accuse him of being a leacher and was checking me out. I would then accuse him of saying only what I wanted to hear, BUT he didn't care about me at all, just my value as an attractive woman. THEN, I would say I was ugly.

Then the whole mess would start all over again. It was crazy making, totally, utterly insane on my part.

We finally made it out and looking back, it was really really important that I sort that whole mess out with a man. It was a man who had planted that seed in my head, and it took a man to get it out.

Regarding Yalom, if you can get past his stated dislike of obese women and men, then it becomes clear that what he really hates is the suffering underneath all that fat. He speaks with such happiness at the emergence of a beautiful being that occurred simultaneously with the weight loss. I think the physical changes were secondary; the inner beauty and joy rose to the surface.

Look, losing weight certainly can help people to be happy, but it's tapping into the natural inner beauty that brings joy and peace.